I seek
But do not find
I knock
But the door does not open
And I notice that all of the things I’ve been told about God
Are platitudes
That do not hold
The weight
Of the grief that fills my eyes
Of the fear that fills my mind
So I leave
That old belief behind
I run
In search of something Divine
And I notice that all of the things I’ve been told about God
Have deeper roots than I knew
’Cause at least they hold
The weight
Of an endless search for meaning
Of a desperate desire for home
I’m not saying it’s all true
But I’m not saying that all of it isn’t
Because I’m sprinting as fast as I can
Away from a system that hurt me so deeply
Only to be found smashed up against the wall
Of my own endless discontentment
With all of the places the journey led me to
The psychics
The sex
And the spiritual gurus
The books
Inner work
And new political views
Enneagram
Astrology
Cognitive psychology
Alcohol
Psychedelics
And all the things the good book tells us
To do
Or not to do
Wait — now that verse means something new?
Interpretations
Revelations
Always there, yet ever-changing
I’m in house of goddamn mirrors
And all I see
Is my reflection
In a different shade of light
Radiating from each new thing I try
All leading me back to the Divine
Deep inside
Of me
And I weep
Because I want it to be simple
To be easy and tried and always True
(In some ways, we all do)
But it is an ocean
And as we ride each wave to the next
All that is ever required of us
Is to enjoy the view
“Ask, and it will be given you.
Seek, and you will find.
Knock, and it will be opened for you.
For everyone who asks receives.
He who seeks finds.
To him who knocks it will be opened.”