I wrote the words (in quotes) below back in 2018.
Little did I know at the time the amount of heartbreak that would come my way through opening up to life again. The humility that would envelope me. The excruciatingly painful grief I would face in all aspects of my life.
And yet I am grateful, that even though it included a lot of pain, love found it’s way into my heart in ways I never knew existed. I have now been seen and known and loved by without agenda. I have been ripped apart, finding new layers of my truest self underneath, and have found that Love still meets me there.
I have also loved others deeper than I thought I had capacity for. I have experienced the feeling of looking intently into the eyes of someone so different from me, choosing to put my judgments aside in order to see them and love them exactly as they are. And, with trembling hands that did not want to loosen their grip on things not meant for me, I have also let go.
So much has changed, and yet these words from my past self ring true today. I am in awe of it. I am scared of it. But I am sinking into the reality of life, and maybe I will take it all in slower and more gentle as I go on. We’ll see.
“I am truly in awe of life.
I am mesmerized by the intriguing people I’ve had the honor of interacting with.
The perspectives gained.
The space left for questions.
The vulnerability of the in-between and the unknown.
The learning to love who you are while not even knowing what that means yet.
The challenging yourself to push forward, while also making sure you check your motives.
The listening. The learning.
The pain of investing and sometimes losing, and yet allowing yourself to be changed by all parts of your experiences.
The beauty of Love always finding its way even when we don’t believe it will.
The desperate loneliness met by unexpected connection.
The fear met by love.
The willingness to face inner demons even when it means losing your ego.
The way things always come at right time, often not any earlier.
The way years of stillness can still lead to a heart finally opening up to the world, and to beauty, and to love.
The way it’s never too late to hope.” ✨